DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a rule against flushing the toilet at night that I’ve overlooked so far?
My family has resumed hosting overnight guests after a hiatus. Each of the last two people staying with us asked my permission to flush the toilet at night before going in.
The bathroom is in the hallway shared by the bedrooms, including our children’s. I think the concern was that the rinse would wake the kids?
This isn’t something I’ve ever worried about, or thought to ask at anyone else’s house. Is it rude to flush without permission? I can not imagine not flushing would be a good option for everyone.
SOFT READER: Unless you’re on a train and stopping at a station, Miss Manners can’t think of a reason why the flush should be suspended. The shock of any nighttime noise will surely be much less offensive than the waking up to decline that has lingered overnight.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a friend tell me not to say the phrase “to be honest with you” because it “makes me look stupid”. This admonition was as unexpected as it was disturbing.
I explained that there are many ways to say the same thing, and that doesn’t mean I was dishonest before. I even went so far as to give him a list of possible alternatives I use. They were:
– Actually …
– Actually …
– As it happens…
– Honestly …
– Honestly…
– In fact…
– In all honesty …
– In all honesty …
— In all sincerity…
– In fact …
– To be honest…
– To be honest…
– To tell the truth …
– Honestly…
– Honestly …
– With all due respect …
— TBH (short for “To be honest”)…
I was greeted with silence. I don’t believe I’m wrong.
My mother, who has a Ph.D. in English and was a famous screenwriter, said it occasionally and had heard me say it. If there was anyone I expected to correct me, it would have been her.
Is the above expression offensive or rude?
SOFT READER: These sentences are not rude or lame in and of themselves. It’s what inevitably follows them that usually is: an unsavory opinion and not an objective fact.
So if Miss Manners could get her readers to stop insulting each other under the guise of honesty, she’s sure the expressions would return to what they once were: benign expressions, not warnings of future insults.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: In my daily life I do not use cosmetics. But occasionally, when I go to an event, I sometimes wear a muted lipstick or a touch of mascara – but really not in an elaborate or flamboyant way.
How do I react when people I know are surprised to say, “Oh, you’re wearing makeup!”? I find such comments embarrassing and don’t make them myself as I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.
SOFT READER: “Oh dear – if it’s that obvious, I guess I shouldn’t have done it.”
Send your questions to Miss Manners on her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
