DEAR ABBY: I mourn my husband. He’s alive, but he left six months ago and texted me that he’s done. He lives with another woman.
I didn’t see it coming. We planned to retire to our cabin. One weekend he kicked me out of the cabin and three hours later she had her join him.
I feel so lost. Right now I don’t want him back because I think he committed the ultimate betrayal.
I started counseling because I am so confused, sad and upset. My counselor seems to think he’s leaving the door open to return one day. He still comes to the house once a month to pay the bills. But if he does, he doesn’t want me there. He texts to make sure I’m gone for a few hours so I leave.
I miss him but I can’t get past the pain and betrayal.
He has lost a lot of weight and looks awful. He’s gotten so old. He is 66, clinically depressed and an alcoholic.
He is also a narcissist. He would never admit he had done wrong; it was always ‘my fault’. I never knew what I would be dealing with after work.
I’m still in the house slowly packing up his junk that I was never allowed to touch. (He’s a hoarder.) I’m lonely, but I enjoy my peace. We don’t communicate at all.
My question is, do you think he’ll walk back like nothing happened?
ABANDONED IN MINNESOTA
BEST LEAVES: I hope not! And if he did show up, why on earth would you want him back? (Honestly, I’m surprised your therapist would suggest you open the door for him.)
You are free. Consult a lawyer, clear the physical and emotional debris in your life, and enjoy.
DEAR ABBY: My fiancé and I are preparing to move south because we are tired of the cold weather. The biggest problem is my cat, Buster.
He’s not a kitten anymore; he is 9. Buster is in good health but we are advised not to take him out of the apartment we share with my father due to Buster’s age.
My father is a mediocre caregiver at best. Half the time he doesn’t clean the litter box or even take out the trash. I am convinced that Buster would be neglected.
I’ve been accused of trying to steal it.
Yesterday I found out Dad tested positive for COVID and didn’t tell anyone until we got to the apartment too. He put us all in danger.
This kind of carelessness makes me afraid to leave Buster with him. Should I take him with me, or take the advice not to stress an older pet and leave him with Dad? I’ll be devastated if I can’t take it.
SAD, STRESSED CAT MOM
BEST SAD: If the advice about “stressing an older cat” came from a vet, it deserves consideration. If not, feel free to take Buster with you when you make the switch. It would be better to do that than to leave him in an environment where you fear he will be neglected.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
